Ya know, so many people give me such a hard time about having not gotten my bachelors. ( I have my associates don't get me wrong). But they all think less of me for not finishing my degree. Reading this article is EXACTLY why I chose to stay home. I had several dreams when Kala was about a year old that he would die. Now obviously it hasn't happened. But it made me think of how I would feel if he did die young. Now I don't hover over him and obsess over every move he makes. But I don't ever want to look back and wish I would have held him before bed just a little bit longer (not that he lets me ha), or that I wish I would have read him a few more stories, wrestled and tickled him a big more, or that I would have sat back and enjoyed his little devious laugh instead of letting my homework or housework take priority. I want to live each day with my sweet little boy to it's fullest. I don't want to have any regrets. Sure sometimes it's hard to watch the world think that I'm failing or letting myself down because they thought I had so much potential. But here's the thing, I have reached far greater potential being the sweetest little boys "mama" than I could have ever reached while attaining a bachelor's degree. I want to look back and remember the times i just couldn't resist going in his room at night just to hold him because I can't get enough, I want to look back and remember the times he held on so tight while I was helping him through his fear of the slide, I want to remember his first steps, I want to remember when he said his first words, I want to remember chasing him down the hallway while he laughs and screams all at the same time while he slows down so that I might just catch him.
This article helped me to be able to put into words why I feel so strongly about staying home and being a mom. It may not be the right thing for everyone, but for me, there's no other way. We may not live in a big house, we may not have fancy things, but I have the happiest little boy at home that I love with all my heart and that's all that matters. It's like what this woman says, “ I am a reflection of him and not the other way around, and this is, I believe, as it should be. This is a love story, and like all great love stories, it is a story of loss. Parenting, I’ve come to understand, is about loving my child today. Now. In fact, for any parent, anywhere, that’s all there is.” I chose to postpone my bachelor's for now because, I want to experience all the little things today and not wait for some future destination of what I can make my child into, but enjoy and love him for who he is today and if I can guide him as much as he guides me... honestly I could not ask for more in life than to hear his precious laugh and to see his gigantic smile. Sure I may not be living the life everyone else thinks I should, but I know I'm living the life that I will never once regret.
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